I was having a rough day yesterday and it seems to not have gotten any better today. I think the pain in my knees got to me over the past few days. I did a workout on Friday and I was feeling it big time over the weekend. Maybe I am feeling the pain more now, maybe I was just blocking it out when I was at the tail end of my training in the summer. Okay, maybe it's been a little rough since they looked at my X-rays and I found out that I needed to see the sports doctor and that I might need surgery and if I do, it's more waiting. Thinking back even my swim coach gave me a pep talk that last couple of times I saw him on the pool deck. I walked into chiro last night and my doctor gave one look at me and new I was not in a good place mentally. He reminded me this is temporary but is this one of those scenarios where I can't see the forest for the trees?
I really do try to focus on the things I can do and not on what I can't. But I'm scared, I am scared that I really caused some serious damage, I'm scared that I won't be able to run the races I want to run next year and I am scared because I don't know how long I can't run for. Ok so maybe I AM panicking about it, I refused to admin that before... But I'm told that it's okay to panic, that panic turns into anger and anger into focus so maybe it's just a matter of going through the process.
The other thing I am struggling with is that I miss my run therapy. I have worked out so many things while I was out on a run and now, I can't run...you see the problem here right? So besides panicking I am getting twitchy and anxious and seriously need to find an outlet for all this energy. I physically feel a need to run, it's a desire it's a need that is deep within. This is the first time in over two years I haven't gone for a regular run and it's seriously starting to get to me.
Maybe it's time to just open a can of "suck it up", suck it up that I can't run boohoo poor me...I can still swim and I can bike and I can lift weights till I can't lift any more. It's a funny thing this internal back and forth I am going through. I guess I just need to keep my chin up, stay positive and remember this is just temporary...and for now get my ass to the gym!