It wasn't my year to hear...

Disappointment, failure, sadness, embarrassment, these are a few of the adjectives that would describe how I am feeling right now.  There have been a few moments where I felt pride and happy even some sense of accomplishment but they are few and far between.  I'm tired, I feel emotionally worn out and sad.  I feel like I am missing out on the excitement and energy and feelings of joy that my teammates are reveling in.  They earned it, I didn't and it breaks my heart.

During the run portion of the race, I was wearing the ironman visor I had bought.  When I was on the way back from the first turnaround when I knew for sure it wasn't going to happen I took it off my head and clipped it to my race belt, I felt like a sham.  I had 20 km to come to terms with the fact I wasn't going to be a finisher out there on the course. I came up with my attack plan to make my comeback, to seek redemption and get my ironman title.  Everything changed after dinner on Monday, it hurt so badly sitting among my teammates celebrating their victory, they were all amazing and supportive and were incredibly kind, it just hurt to know I wasn't an ironman with them.  After dinner we were all talking and I made up my mind that I would be back next year, not in 24 months,I couldn't wait another two years it was just too long to hear those words I have been working so hard for the past two years to hear...you know "Amanda Bolger...You are an ...." I won't say it here, because I am not...not yet, not this year.

I want to be excited and pumped up for next year and I know I will be, just not yet.  Right now, I will feel what I feel and when I am training next year I will look back on all of this and remind myself that I never want to feel like this again.  I know there are lessons that I have learned from the past two years, training for the past 8 months and the race itself and I am sure there will be more to learn on the journey to MTTB 2014.  I won't make the same mistakes, next time I will finish the race!

I know some of you asked what happened out there, what was I feeling, did I crash, was it nutrition and all I will say is this: The ironman is like nothing else I have ever done before in my life. While I am disappointed in the outcome of my race, I am happy that I had the courage and the desire to even attempt it and complete 127 miles of the 140 race.  It is an incredible experience and not one that I feel I can do justice by trying to write about it right now.  But, if you ever get the opportunity to participate as a racer or even a spectator you can be sure you too will be amazed!  It is the most exhilarating atmosphere and by far the most professional sporting event an amateur athlete can participate in, in my opinion.  That attitude and compassion is evident in the entire community, not only on race weekend but throughout training season as motorists shout words of encouragement and support while driving along the 117 highway.

So far now I will lick my wounds, document my mishaps and successes and get ready for the 2014 season where redemption will be mine.

Wow 2012 that was fantastic!

10 mins before the race start
better get that wet suit on!

Looking back over the past year I still have to pinch myself to realize that yes, this is my life.  In the past 12 months I have pushed myself harder than I ever thought possible.  I have done things that I would have never considered doing and had so many new first experiences and all of it has been amazing!  Not long ago, a friend made a comment to me that I think about from time to time.  She said that while I am still me...I am NOT the same person I was a year ago and I am so lucky that she is right!

Kris and I before my first ever Triathlon...
Can you tell by my half smile that I felt
nauseous up to the minute before the start

It was in October when I started this post and at that time it was the one year anniversary of my very first race, the Scotiabank Half Marathon.  Signing up for that race I didn't gave much thought to how this was going to change my life, I didn't know it could or would and it was during the training I saw an ironman race online.  Mike Riley was cheering on the races saying "so and so you are an IRONMAN!"   That was all I needed to see, that was all I needed to hear, and I knew that I needed to an ironman race.   It was like everything I was searching for became clear in that moment.  I ran my first race a few weeks after that day and that was the next step in my journey.

T2 during Muskoka 5150

When I first reached out to Coach Nancy, I really had no idea what I was in for nor did I have any idea that I was getting WAY MORE than a coach and a program when I joined her team.  Over the past year I have learned so much about the sport of triathlon, nutrition, training tips and techniques and about myself. I have pushed myself to do more than ever thought possible.  I have met some of the most incredible people and am so very fortunate to call these folks team-mates and my friends!  I could not have accomplished everything I have if it wasn't for being part of this team.  It was amazing hearing them cheer at races, I know I ran faster and harder every time I was passing by them.  Even when we were training, knowing I was meeting someone kept me honest and their encouragement to dig deep and finish the workout was always appreciated!  Thank you my fellow IronCanucks, thank you for your friendship, your support, your encouragement and your believing in me always! Thank you,  I really can't say that enough!!!

A few of the IC cheer squad representing at Muskoka 5150!

So what are all the "firsts" I mentioned before, well to name a few from this past year it all started with running in the winter, taking my first spin class to riding a road bike (on the road with LOTS of traffic) every Saturday morning increasing the distances week after week.  Swimming in a wetsuit, even just wearing a wetsuit was new...I had never put one of those one before and boy was that apparent with my choice of language when I tried my own suit on for the first time.  I finished a half marathon in under 3 hours and I simulated then raced in my first triathlon sprint distance race, an Olympic distance and then wrapped up the year racing in a half ironman!  

All in all, I spent the past year out of my comfort zone I loved every minute of it!  Okay, maybe there were a few minutes I was less then thrilled but you catch my drift.

The Finish line at Muskoka 70.3, I made it!

During my training I had the opportunity to go and give back a little team mate love cheering for a few of the IronCanucks as their raced in an Ironman race.  For some, they were the rookies or the first timers and for others they were already seasoned ironman veterans looking for another finish.  Being there for this race even as a spectator at this event I was overwhelmed with emotion and energy.  I was also surprised with the random acts of emotion I experienced through out the day as I was not expecting to be so affected by a race, but this is so much more than a race.  It is truly a major life experience that impacted me even as a cheerleader that day.

August 18 2013

I have been inspired and changed by this past year, so much so that even before I raced my half ironman, I signed up for the 2013 Ironman Mont Tremblant race.  Yup, that's right I am doing the full 140.6 distance next year so it looks like I am up for another year pushing myself out of my comfort zone and really, there isn't ANYWHERE else I would rather be!

As 2012 is coming to a close and I re-read this post, look at the pictures and remember all the fun I have had this year,  I sit here and feel happy and grateful.  This has been such a terrific year and I am looking forward to 2013 and all that comes with it!

swim...bike...run...I did it all today!

swim...

The alarm starting chirping at 5am, I hit snooze and fell back asleep for ten minutes. The "good morning" tune started again and I shut the thing off.  I fell back asleep for a few minutes woke up and pondered staying put or getting up and getting this day started. I had mentioned my morning swim plans to my husband last night he sounded so proud that I was going to get up early on a Monday and work out, if I stayed I felt like I would have disappointed him or something so with that thought I was climbing out of bed.

It was pretty quiet on the pool deck this morning, it can get pretty busy there but not today.  I slipped into the water and it felt warm and comfortable and I was off.  I decided to see specifically what 750m felt like as that is my first sprint swim distance.  I was barely pushing off the wall  with each lap since in the open water I'm not going to have that...too bad though...the push off and gliding through the water is my favorite part of the swim.  You feel so carefree and weightless during that moment. I finished my 750m in about 20-25 minutes and spent another 10 -15 minutes finishing off my swim.

bike...

I got home from work a little later than I would have preferred...I need to start leaving earlier in the morning so I can save the 407 for the way home and get home in half the time.  I was trying to plan my bike route in my mind while I was driving home but I just wasn't really feeling it so I mapped out a quick route and got ready.  That was pointless though cause by the time I got on my bike I just wanted to ride so I just went where my bike took me today.  I rode for about 15km and spent the majority of the time in the bike lane on uppermiddle and walkers.  I had climb brant from the power center and went down uppermiddle towards guelph line, it is so much fun flying down the road I was probably around 40-45kmh...how can you not love that?! 

run...

I got back to the house and had my own mini transition, brought the bike in, switched my shoes and grabbed my tunes and ran out the door.  I have a couple different go-to routes around the house and at first I was just going to head to the track but I opted for my 3km route instead.  It is a bit of a strange feeling running right off the bike, it's like I feel hyper or something but it only took me about 1km to get into my running groove.  I actually really enjoyed the run but glad I kept it brief tonight.  I am feeling it in my hamstrings from the p90x yoga yesterday.

With the calorie burn from the swim this morning I probably burned about 900-1000 calories today.  I remember when burning 300 seemed like a lot.  Now anything under 500 doesn't seem worth it. 

All in all, a great day! 

Mississauga Half - Race Report

I wasn't really feeling this race, I felt like I hadn't mentally prepared enough.  I almost let myself think I hadn't physically prepared enough for the distance...if that was remotely true then what the heck was I doing all the Sunday mornings?  Saturday I took it fairly easy, went for a massage and did some running around and picked up the race kit.  After I got home and did some more chores around the house I was running around the house feeling like I as doing everything at the last minute.  I still had to pack my bag and get the rest of my gear organized, you know find my sunglasses, pack the fuel belt...to wear a hat or not wear a hat would I be too hot...it was supposed to be really nice out on Sunday...try on about four different combinations of t-shirts, long sleeve shirts and pants before deciding on what felt right. 

 I probably went to bed too late but I wasn't feeling sleepy yet so I read for a while and drifted off probably close to midnight.  I don't think any amount of sleep would have felt like enough when the alarm started chirping at 5 AM.  I had to get up there was no time to snooze, my ride would be there before 6. I got up had my breakfast and paced around the house as I got ready.  My ride showed up and we were off.  I climbed in the car to join my fellow racers Morgan and Justin.
Patricia had come along for moral support too.  On the way in we were chatting and I mentioned how I "wasn't feeling this one" and Justin said "the races you're not feeling it are usually your best ones".  We met up with another teammate Chantelle at the community centre in Mississauga and squeezed on the bus to get up to the starting line at Square One.
   


waiting to enter the starting chute

 

so that's whose at the front of the line!

We wandered around the starting area for a while, I love the feeling of anticipation at the start of a race, you can feel the energy in the air with all those people there for the same reason but with their own goals.  I was texting with my colleague Juan, it was his first race ever but it was busy so we wished each other good luck and I got in the queue.  I found the 2:45 pace bunny and picked up a pace band from her.  It was the first time using one of these and it is something I will for sure add to my arsenal!  They played Oh Canada and we were in the 5 minute countdown, people were starting to pack in tighter getting closer to the starting line.  I made some last minute adjustments and we were off!  I cleared the first timing mat and the starting line and put my ear buds in. 

I felt calm.

I made me way down the streets around the corners of the mall making it to Burnhamthorpe Rd.  I was keeping an eye on my pace band, I was slightly ahead of the time and that was fine with me.  Before I know it I was two km in and saw the first rest station and briefly thought I should stop and make use of the facilities but I remembered what stopping meant at Scotia...time wasted!  I wasn't stopping unless it was an emergency!  I carried on down the same road racking up the km's and I remember thinking it felt easy and  when I got to the turn at Mississauga Road I was surprised I was there already.  I barely had an eye on the pace bunny and making use of the downhills as much as possible by trying to time my walking minute with flat areas.  Much of the pack had thinned out and there were a few people around me that were there for most of the race.  We were making our way down and round the university campus and back out to Mississauga Road.  I kept seeing rest stations and would think to myself, i "could" stop but I really didn't want to so I kept running.

I knew "the hill" was coming. I was still keeping time with my pace band, still slightly ahead which was great.  I was running the winding road leading up to "the hill" thinking this isn't so bad and then it started to climb but I still wasn't that worried.   Juan, Dan and I had driven the route on Thursday so we knew what to expect and I was "dump run" girl...if I could run King Road I could climb this hill.  Okay so I ended up walking the last part but I didn't care, I wasn't disappointed, I knew I still had over 10km to run and I was finishing in under 3 hours this time!

I was on level ground again and it was getting warm, it was actually a gorgeous day in all, the weather was perfect.  I was nearing the turn to head south again going under the highway and getting into Port Credit.  There were still a few people around from the start and we would have the occasional word of encouragement for each other.  As we ran to the park entrance for the lake front path I had stopped for a moment to stretch out my hamstrings and the two ladies stopped to make sure I was okay.  I was okay I just needed to loosen up my legs a bit. 

Running through the parking lot I made my way to the lake front path, I was in the home stretch now.   If just left like a run in the park.  There were lots of people cheering us on through the park, they had a 1960's VW van with the tunes cranked and some of the best signs...I LOVE the sarcastic signs like... "there is beer at the finish line...HURRY!" or "Run like you stole something" or my favorite "Staying up late to make this sign was hard work too!".     The path ended there so we picked up the road to catch the trail over the pedestrian bride at the marina.  Dan, another colleague of mine was there cheering on some friends, it was nice to see a familiar face along the way.  I ran through the marina and back on to the road heading back to the waterfront trail.
 

I saw the 20km marker got so excited I was so close now.  People were already heading back from the finish with their medals around their necks and cheering us on.  I looked over and saw my teammate Kevin.  He was running us in through the park around the water.  It was great that he was there cause I was definitely running faster. I could really hear the crowd at the finish line.  Kevin said it was just around the water and I remember looking over and  saying "I have to run there?!" it felt so far away but it really wasn't. Kevin turned back there, he said I just had to clear that hill and just GO and I would be there.  Kevin turned back to go wait for Justin to come in from his marathon run.



I cleared the hill and then really turned it on.  I was so close now, Tony was there cheering me in.  He always said "run across that line with everything you've got" so that's what I did.  I was running fast like it was a track work out.  I saw my teammates, Chantelle and Morgan had already crossed the line and Patricia was snapping up photos and I just ran hard.  I heard the announcer call my name and was so excited, it was the best finish yet. I knew I had done it, I crossed the line in under three hours!  I looked down and stopped the time on my watch 2:50!  It was awesome, my best race yet!  

 I went through the finish shoot  and got my medal and they removed the timing chip I had zip tied to my shoe.   Tony found me through the crowd.  We went by the fence and found the other iron canucks, they were waiting to cheer in Justin. 

All in all a great race and a great day for everyone!

  



just steps away...





Here comes Chantelle!





Here comes Morgan!



 

Justin owned the marathon!





THE FINISHERS!!!





The finishers and our cheerleaders!  Thanks Patricia and Kevin for the all the support and the great photos!



To my wonderful husband Tony who is always there cheering me on at the finish line and during all my training,  I love you! 



glad that's over...

what a run and I don't mean that in a good way...it was brutal today.  I am just going to get this out and then I will be over it...I was dressed for winter weather,the wind was chilly but I was too warm.  I had dropped my toque just after my first km, thankfully I had only gone about a half a km before I realized so I turned back and kept my eye out and it was right where I had grabbed a drink.  It was my  Pens hat so I was hopping that by finding it, it would be a good sign and Pittsburgh would have pulled through and beat Philly...apparently no such luck.

I was running down Brant and starting have some gi issues, I was debating turning early and heading home but decided to stick to the route.  I turned at costco and hit the path and decided I would take a detour back to the house for a quick stop...might as well stop at home when you can.  My husband was in the midst of his own butt-kicking session when I stopped in.  I was back on my way heading to the path when I was feeling uncomfortable again.  I decided to make another stop while there places available.  I wasn't sure what the deal was today but I wasn't taking any chances...I have heard horror stories and I don't have any interest in living my own.  

I was really dragging my butt today, I noticed my avg speed was 5.66 kmh...if I am on my game and I can be pushing between 6-7 over 7 if I am feeling good but not today.  I was having a hard time staying focused and positive but I think I know where I went wrong.  Yesterday I didn't have enough calories after my ride, nor did I really rest after and I didn't get enough sleep last night oh and I didn't stretch yesterday either and I felt that BIG time today!  I hate to say and I think this is the first time ever (since I started running last year) that I cut the distance short.  I had 21 on the schedule today and I racked up 18.5km.  I just didn't have it in me to go the whole way today.  On the plus side, I learned some big lessons...I realize now how important it is to get enough rest, eating properly to refuel  after a long bike ride when I have a long run back to back oh ya and it's really important to not forget to stretch!!!

After I got home I had a nice big glass of chocolate milk and stretched for maybe 15-20 minutes and now I am pretty much done.  I think taking a cliff bar today saved me today out there.  I crammed a bottle of G2, a bottle of Water the bar and a couple gels and a pack of the sharkies chewy things in my pockets and belt...I doubt I would have made it as far as I did if I didn't  have all that with me today. 

not a perfect week

but it has been a good week.   Monday was a great morning swim. I felt really relaxed and just enjoyed gliding through the water.  I got there right when they opened and made the most of the time I had and got in 1800 meters!   The wind was whipping on Monday evening and I pulled the plug on an outdoor ride on the way home so I set up the training and spun for a three episodes of sex in the city.

Tuesday I missed my run but I had a massage which was needed after that $^%$ing dump run (i'm over it now...but holy crap was that a tough run).  So instead of working out my muscles, I had the knots worked out.  Stretching is helping as it wasn't that painful.  Wednesday they arranged a wetsuit demo for Nineteen websites and I got to learn how to actually put a suit on...it takes a few minutes to wiggle into one of those things!  I was back in the pool in the morning at least so I didn't miss all my workouts. 

This evening I got home from work and threw my gear on and got on the bike rolling around the neighbourhood.  I had the wind at my back and got up to 45km along uppermiddle.  I only rode for about 40 minutes outside as it was getting a little dark with the clouds so I came back and set up the bike on the trainer and just finished my ride inside. 

the "dump" run

You might be asking "what's the dump run?"  Oh, I'll tell you. It's the craziest run I have done so far! I thought the hills at lasalle kicked my butt, well those were nothing compared today!  I was running fairly steady as I made my way slowly up King Road and thought okay this is in't soo bad...that when I was around the 7.5 marker and I hadn't really seen the worst yet.  

As I got closer I looked up the hill and realized the road kept going and where it went was up.  I said some profanities and got my run on  and ran as long as I could then got my walk on and walked and walked so more.  I said some more profanities and got the green light from Coach Nancy to turn around and head back down.   That was something, running back down was much better, at least it wasn't until then that the rain really started to come down.

The wind was fairy calm which was good, but the rain really picked up and was coming down steady for run back down to level ground.  It kept up until I go back to northshore but I just reminded myself that I'm not made of sugar.  I also told that little voice in my head to be quiet, you know, the one that was telling me I can'tdo this I can call Tony and see if he'll come pick me up and get my out of the rain.  I reminded myself that I was just making myself tougher and that any run I do without rain now is that much easier.

And now I can say, I ran the "dump run", oh, I guess I should mention that I learned something about burlinton today King Road was built on an old dump and that's why ppl call it the dump run.